


Midgardian Pizza Pie

by quartermile



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: FrostIron - Freeform, IronFrost - Freeform, Loki just wants peaches, M/M, Mpreg, Pizza Hut doesn't have peaches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 01:30:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2210583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quartermile/pseuds/quartermile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A oneshot idea I'd written around a half year ago. It certainly made me cackle, I hope I'm not the only one!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Midgardian Pizza Pie

“Quiet, Smurf, or I’ll have Hulk turn you into a floor tile again,” Steve fires back, earning an indignant eyeroll from Bruce.

“Hold up, Mister Roger’s Neighborhood,” Tony says to Steve, “that was an unfair call.” he insists, quick to jump to his lover’s defense.

Steve sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, “Tony, you know Fury’s going to fly back over here and rip us all a new one. Hell, he’s probably on his way now.”

“And I’ll handle him, Captain. Now kindly back off.” Tony commands, fully prepared to forcefully extract Steve from the room if need be.

Tony rests a hand on the green-eyed God’s belly and smiles softly, “You okay, Lo?”

He licks his lips to hide that the bottom one is trembling. Loki hates pregnancy hormones. He hates them with a passion. He nods and rests his head on Tony’s shoulder. He knows that Steve is still extremely wary of him, even after all of the events that have led them here, Loki in S.H.I.E.L.D.S. good graces, but it still isn’t nice to be reminded he doesn’t like him.

**~an hour earlier~**

“Man of Iron! I request more poptarts!” Thor announces, walking from the kitchen to the living room of the penthouse, stopping in front of said genius. He looks up, trying to see around the Thunder God to the TV where he and Loki are watching.

“Then go get some more.” Tony deadpans. He definitely isn’t moving from the couch. Unless it’s for Loki.

“I do not know where one would acquire poptarts.” Thor tells him.

“Umm. The store.” Tony says, furrowing his eyebrows. Seriously, he knows Thor isn’t from this world, but he thought Jane Foster had at least taught him what a grocery store is. It’s just like an Asgardian market, he would assume.

“Then send Happy,” Tony says, shifting to see around him. Loki swats at his leg, annoyed with the movement under him, as he’s very confortable.

“Mister Hogan is out, sir,” Jarvis, Tony’s AI informs them.

Tony sighs heavily, searching his brain for someone else to send. He almost starts naming off the other Avengers, but is cut off by Loki. Good thing, he supposes; he doubts a rage monster or two spies would enjoy going to the store for someone else’s pastries.

“Actually, I would like something to eat, as well,” Loki speaks, sitting upright on the couch.

Tony whines a little. He had hoped he could just relax on the couch all day. He nods and rubs a hand down his face, “Jarvis, have one of my cars readied for Loki and I.”

“As you wish, Sir,” The disembodied butler answers.

“Alright, so poptarts and food for Loki.” Tony says as he stands, “Anyone else want anything?”

“Mister Banner requests a pepperoni pizza, sir,” Jarvis speaks.

“Oh! One of those pizza pies sound delightful!” Loki says, his eyes lighting as his mouth waters.

-=-

Tony fiddles with his phone as he sits in the parking lot of Pizza Hut, waiting for his green-eyed lover to come back out. The trickster had insisted he go inside and order the pizza since he was unsure what he wanted.

He is first alarmed when he smells smoke. He looks up and his eyes widen seeing smoke coming from the roof, about midways across. He tries to not worry too much. If someone had accidentally started a fire, it could easily be put out by Loki’s magi- Loki.

Tony suddenly gets a sinking feeling that the smoke is somehow caused by Loki. Not because of his villainous past, but by something much more evil. Pregnancy hormones.

He hurriedly flings open the door of his car, slipping his phone in his pocket as he heads for the double doors of the pizza place. He opens the door only to be nearly knocked over by a family hurrying out and a couple of screams from the inside.

He’s hardly even inside when he realize the opposite wall has been taken out, which most of the patrons had escaped through. How the hell had he not noticed that?

“What the…” he mutters, looking around with wide eyes. The chairs and tables have all been flipped over, most likely from the blast. He still can’t believe he hadn’t heard it. Red stuff-thankfully it’s sauce, not blood, has been splattered on the walls and-

“I command you to surrender my food!” Loki demands, lifting his hands for probably another blast of magic.

The young girl behind the counter trembles, her eyes wide, “Sir, I’ve told you already, we don’t hav-”

“I JUST WANTED PEACHES ON MY PIZZA!” Loki wails suddenly, dropping down to a sitting position, much like a toddler when throwing a fit. Tony would laugh if he wasn’t already worrying about the fit Fury is going to throw when he hears about the pregnant trickster leveling a restaurant, “She won’t give me peaches on my pizza, Tony!”

“We don’t even have peaches in the store, sir,” She says, the calmness of her voice betraying the slight fear in her eyes. Tony wonders if she may have many little brothers and sisters to get her used to tantrums.

“Baby, this is a pizza place, they don’t usually have types of fruit.” Tony says softly, crouching beside his lover and resting a hand on his back.

“Your manager said the customer is always right!” Loki yells at her.

“That was before he heard what you were asking for. The pepperoni, anchovies, onions and chocolate sauce we can do. The peaches we cannot.”

“Where is your manager even at?” Tony asks, wondering why she is the only worker he sees around.

“He ran into the office when he blew up the salad bar,” She tells him, looking a bit more relaxed now that someone else is here who seems to have a hold on Loki. The man she recognizes as Iron Man. If he’s here, then obviously it’s okay.

“And why are you still here, ma’am?” He asks politely. A teenage girl basically standing up to a fit-throwing pregnant God? What even.

“My parents said if I got straight A’s this semester and got Employee of the Month at my job, they’d buy me a car.” She says simply.

“Well, okay,” Tony mumbles. Wow. If that isn’t superficial, he doesn’t know what is. Even he, himself, who prizes his automobiles, would not risk dying for a new one.

“Lokes, I’ll tell you what. Why don’t we go buy the ingredients and make a pizza ourselves?” Tony chides, taking his arm and helping him to his feet. He’s obviously very upset if he lets Tony help him. Loki may be far from his villainous days, but he still will throw a fireball or two at anyone who treats him as if he’s anything less than a God.

Loki seems to think about that for a moment before sniffling and nodding, wiping at his eyes, “Yeah… Okay…”

-=-

Two hours later, a homemade pizza, donuts, and Thor’s poptarts later, the rest of the Avengers had caught the news on the tv. Steve is the only one really upset by it.

Bruce is the epitome of nonchalance, busy licking the powder off of a donut, Natasha is ignoring them both, messing with something on her tablet, Clint has his foot propped up on the seat of Natasha’s chair, watching with amusement at the captain in an argument he will no doubt lose. The sassiest genius known to Earth, and the God of Mischief both on one side. Yeah, no one would stand a chance, not even a super soldier.

Steve glares at Tony for a bit longer, “Stark…” he sighs.

“Rogers,” Tony counters, crossing his arms over his chest and meeting the captains eyes with a lazy, bored stare, “Drop it, okay? I’ll even pay for the restaurant if I have to. Why don’t you go back to working out, and leave the chewing my ass to Fury, okay?”

“Sir, Director Fury has arrived. He is on his way up now,” Jarvis speaks suddenly.

“Shit, Loki, make him go away.” Tony tells him, his tendency to try everything to get out of trouble makes Steve roll his eyes.

Loki nods and with a wave of his hand, Nick Fury finds himself sitting back at his desk at the S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.


End file.
